hey everybody! sorry it has been so long since my last update. the past few days have been everything but pleasant for me. i've been really sick, but its all for the eventual good, right? my tastes are changing again. this is one of the worst parts of the chemo. my taste buds change and everything just tastes awful! I ate today!!! I had a whole banana! my counts are up really high, all of them. so thank you guys so much for the prayers because the docs say as soon as i start getting better i'll be home in no time! if i were sick i could be home this week even, but i pretty sick so that doesnt look too good. Randy, thanks for putting in a word with the big guy of HSP looks like he listened. Yesterday i had quite a few visitors and although i was really sick, it helped me to feel a little better. Pastor Rudy and little Rudy came up... that was a surprise, and a good one too. I love visiting with them. Bean and Ro were here, and Mikey also showed up. So after everybody left i napped til american idol and CARRIE won!!! I'm so excited. I have been pulling for her from the start. Today is a little better then yesterday, and yesterday a little better than the day before. So hopefully tomorrow will be better and soon enough i will be home! I'm so close i can smell the salty air. i hear the weather isnt great, but it doesnt matter. i just want to be on my little island without all these stinky plugs, machines, tubes... you know. i wanted to thank GARY for giving me his michael jordan poster, it made my day... and it made me smile for the first time in a while. you are such a sweetie, just like your mom. THANK YOU. so today looks like ANOTHER day of just lounging around waiting impatiently to go home. they started taking down some of my meds, so hopefully that is a good sign. my hair is almost completely gone, no yamaka Ry. well i'm going to go relax and try to make myself better... i haven't figured that one out yet. but its worth a try. thanks so much everybody for everything, the cards, visits, calls, and especially the PRAYERS...they are whats getting me out of here. so i'll try to write more frequently as long as i feel ok. please remember the prayer list, Jess, Randy, Richter & Ruark families, Pop Pop Rossi, Mullhollands, anyone else that needs the prayers!! Keep them up because they are definitely working. thanks so much and i hope to see everybody soon, AT HOME!

Llamas & Penguins

Jenn is writing this as dictated by Oney(Kait) This post may not be as long as I hard originally planned. I had one all written up and ready to go and as I clicked on the “publish post” box, the computer disconnected from the internet and my entire blog disappeared! Today is the 9th day since my new birthday, and so far it hasn’t been that great. I have been pretty sick and pretty tired. I have not been getting much sleep at night so I try to make up for it during the day, but that is rarely ever a success. Right now we are experiencing a Code Red, (Lizard) or maybe it was just a fire alarm. Tuesday, Mom went to build a bear in an unsuccessful search for a tiger to stuff instead she came home with a cute new bunny in scrubs to add to my stuffed family. Later that evening I received a phone call from Roger and his football team which helped lift my spirits. Thanks Roger for all your support ALWAYS!!! All the side effects that I seemed to have skipped the past three times of chemo I am experiencing them now all at once. I’m on heavy doses of nausea medicine and of course my delauded. During my daily mind travels I’ve come across a penguin and I’ve crossed paths with a pack of llamas who have a magic touch when rubbing my back. Apparently yesterday was a big day for me and I’ve been told I had fun. Although yesterday was probably one of my worst days as far as sickness and pain go it was my best social day so far. Lizard and Ry came in the morning. Followed by a visit from my old R.A., Christopher. My cancer sister and her mom were there to help me complain about my discomfort to my doctor’s. Bobby Deren made his triumphant return with his nine toed friend. And half the Cooper Clan was here too. While I enjoyed their company I think Aunt Ceil enjoyed dropping my toothbrush and stories of burning eyelids. Dad is on his way for the weekend tonight. Nen has been here every night this week while Lauren is at home hopefully recuperating. Right now I’m sucking on a blue icy which every awakening moment seems to find me doing for the tiny amount of pain relief I pretend it brings. And a bunch of thank yous go out …THANKS…Joanna for my e-mail, thanks Jess for my “orange” presents…thanks Randy for his uplifting e-mails as always…thanks Charlene for the post…Karen for the Friends DVD’s, they’re the only things I seem to be able to concentrate on…Thanks ssssooooo, ssssoooo, much for the cards. Even when I’m feeling my worst cards and posts on the internet make me smile. Thanks for the e-mails, the cards, the phone calls, the visits, these things make a world of difference to me. Please remember the prayer list…Jess, Randy, Richter and Ruark Families, Pop-Pop Rossi, Mullhollands, Annie and Jeff,(Friends of my Mom’s), Uncle Ace’s wife, Suzie Nene’s mom-mom…Best wishes to Kristie and her minor surgery...and anyone else who needs them June 8th will be 28 days from my new birthday and my expected day of departure. Keep up the prayers and I’ll try to keep up the blogs

well....
I feel a little better today. I acually ate!!! And tonight I am planning on having some chicken fingers and hot sauce... lobsta!! haha. Dad is here. Mom went home for the night. Now that I'm feeling better I am hoping that soon they will let me venture outside for some fresh air. And in about 3 weeks or so I am hoping to be HOME, lounging on the beach. So not much has happened. I mean not much can happen... Lou Hornstein brought me some presents from Yankee Stadium... Derek Jeter!! Well, not him, but his shirt and 2 hats! Uncle Bruce shaved his head in honor of me and sent me a picture. I just saw that today. So thanks everybody for the cards and the calls. And feel free to visit WHENEVER!! I have no plans and would be thrilled to entertain anyone! Remember the prayer list... Jess, Randy, Richter & Ruark families, Pop Pop Rossi, Mullhollands... and anyone else needing the prayers. Thanks again everyone! And DonDon, dont forget those chicken tenders...haha!!!

blahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Blah blah blah... that is how i feel. EVERYDAY! The chemo really wiped me out this time. I have never been so sick from it. And I have been done it for 3 days now and am still getting sick from it. Will it ever end??? BUT.... Monday, May 9, 2005 was hopefully the last bag of chemo that will ever be hung for me! And my new official birthday is May 11, 2005. So Happy Birthday to me. Just wish I was in a celebrating mood. I have my FOURTH hickman, and hopefully last one. BAD BAD experiences with them. I was given one in my leg wen i first came in... BAD BAD idea. So now i have 4 beuatiful scars all over my body. but you know what they, the Goo Goo Dolls, say "scars are souveniers you never lose, the past is never far." So i guess I will NEVER be forgetting this exerience. Besides the sickness (can't really say besides cause that is all it is) hospital life isnt as bad as i had expected. My one nurse Cindy is awesome. She keeps me company and is a total WACK (yep!!) like me. So we get along great. I have a few other really good nurses that i love and even an awesome tech- Roger. I met a friend, no Jessica Holland, but a guy next to me who was in for the same thing. He is 26 and told me stories of him breaking out of the hospital to venture off to wawa and around philly, WITH HIS POLE!! haha. I got a lot of cards today. Thank you guys so much. They really do make my days better. Lacey- I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! lol. And Jessica thank you for the picture, it is hanging right at the front of my room! THere is not really much else to report on. Cindy and I might do some kareoke later tonight... who knows! If i dont ruin it with my getting SICK!!! And LARI comes to visit on monday!!! So I have some stuff to look forward to. Thank you guys so much for always writing, visiting, praying, calling... it means the world to me. Remember the prayer list... Jess, Randy, Richter & Ruark families, PopPop Rossi, Mullhollands, and yours truely.

My favorite groups have always been weird ones... we all know that. But Simple Plan and Sugar Cult awlays write songs that you can easily relate to. And oddly enough a close friend going through a hard time picked one of their songs "Perfect World" to talk about....
This song by Simple Plan is for me and Jess...lol. Jessica this is soooooo you!!!!! But I am so there for you and I know you are there for me!! Cant wait til this is over... and just to let everyone know... I just finished what I hope and pray to be my last round of chemo EVER!! Just a BMT to go!!

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more?

Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Hello from Hahnemann. Today is day 6 at Hahnemann State Prison. So far I have slept an average of 20 hours a day. Mostly from pain meds, but also from being bored to tears. My phone is dead for those who may have tried calling. I have not had much energy to get online and chat or check emails. Hopefully this week will be better. We did decorate the room, mom, Jenn and I. Jenn enlarged pics of my bike, the girls and me, Greenday concert and more. (including Brandon). We also have the collages up and of course Johnny Depp. Alyssa sent me some new TAADD apparel and a very nice card. This is of course a big recruiting are for the us at the TAADD School. Remember to get the applications in early. I have had a few visitors, Uncle Bub and Aunt Helene, Mrs. Davenport and Jen (X), and probably some others that I don't remember due to being in lala land. Lou Hornstein brought me two surprises from the Yankees game yesterday, a shirt and hat, but so far no Derek Jetter in person. Thanks for all of it Lou. Dad was here for the weekend and now is heading back to work in D.C. Lauren will be here Tuesday for the start of the BMT. Then on the way to recovery and hopefully back to Wildwood for the summer. (this was written by dad since Kait was not up to typing, but it is her words).
As always prayers for Jess, Randy, Richter and Ruark families, Mullholand family, pop-pop Rossi and anyone else that needs them, they do work. Thank you all and God Bless everyone.
kait

well, i leave for jail in about 7 hours. i am trying to stay up late so that way it wont come as fast. earlier tonight i went to alfies with the family. good dinner, my last real meal at home! ughhhhh! but after that i hung out with the girls and a few others. we played games and ate (as usual). it was fun!!! i am going to miss them soooo much. this is probably going to be the hardest two months of my life. i mean missing wildwood in the summer!!! that is what living down here is all about. not to mention the doctors, needles, chemo, meds... blah blah blah! i just cant wait to be home relaxing on the beach, tanning the day away. and soon after that riding my bike!!! hopefully by then i'll be able to play the guitar too!! i am trying to pick up a lot of new habits for the hospital... to get me through. and i may even begin writing my book!!! if it starts out ok. well, anyone that wnats to visit, send letters, write emails, call, FEEL FREE! i have no plans... thanks so much everyone for the support. and thanks for the prayers. please remember the list... jess, randy, richter & ruark families, mullhollands, pop pop rossi - who will be home tomorrow!!!!, and of course anyone else that needs the prayers.
THANK YOU JESS FOR YOUR WORDS. You never preach, only give me advise and really help me. I love you so much, thanks for being there and thanks for helping me throguh all this. I hope I can be the same for you.
Well, in the morning i am getting a spinal tap, so hopefully i will be pretty drugged up for that. haha. but afterwards ill fill you all in on my first day. thanks again everyone! and hopefully if i dont see you in the hospital ill see you on the beach.... sooner than later!!!

Busy day today... and last night! Last night all the girls and our moms went over to Avalon to watch Mrs. Carol Troiano in the BTMH Talent Show. And it was good...long.... but good. She was hilarious, as always. There was some guitar playing. And he played John Melloncamp!!! And some one even sang a song from Les Mis. It was good. So afterwards we all went to dinner which only turned out to be sandwiches, but nonetheless it was fun! So the girls and I had planned to make our own music video last night...but by the time we got to Joanna's and had everyone there and ready to go, it was too late and we all ended up just hanging out until it was 3:30 AM and we all realized we had to get up early this morning. Today was the Brendan Borek Spirit Walk. I have always played in the soccer tournament, but this was the first year I walked. It was a good turnout. And I got to meet Mr. & Mrs. Borek, other cancer survivors, and a lot of other interesting people. I didn't make the whole walk, but when I finished Dad calculated the total distance I walked to be about 3-4 miles. NOT BAD!!! Especially considering that is the most exercise I have done in about 5 months!! But boy am I paying for it now. Haha... but it was worth it. So after that I had lunch with Uncle Tony, Aunt Miss, TJ, Jess, Nicky, Tori, Mom, and Dad. It was a lot of fun. And then after that I let TJ, who just recently got his permit, take me for a ride. TJ, Jess, I went to KMart to get some stuff and he drove both ways... believe it or not, I was impressed!! haha. So after hanging out there for a little while I met up with Eryn, Joanna, and Lizard to get some food... followed by some "hunting" and now some good sleep! Tomorrow I am hoping to get my packing done early so I can hang with the girls and some other friends before I head back up to prison!!! Well, Thanks everyone, as always, for the cards, the calls, the posts on the site, the emails, and especially PRAYERS!!! And of course the list.... Jess, Randy, Richter & Ruark families, Mullhollands, Pop Pop Rossi, and whomever else needs them! Thank you all so much! Talk to you soon... and FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME IN THE HOSPITAL!!!